Saturday, May 31, 2008

THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS YOU JOAN CRAWFORD FLIX ARE PASSE....


Sex and the Golden OldieIn between the years Sex and the City lynchpins Michael Patrick King and Darren Star were born, a Joan Crawford movie came out that looks today like a virtual blueprint of the pair’s HBO home run.
Friday, May 30, 2008 at 9:10 AM


A few years ago, in a DVD review for another web site of the 1959 romantic melodrama The Best of Everything, I wrote that this nearly half-century old saga of three single gals in New York hunting for careers and husbands reflected such a different era that it seemed to come from some other world. But after seeing the big screen version of Sex and the City, I stand corrected.
I had never before really thought about the obvious parallels between the HBO series and this Hope Lange-Suzy Parker-Diane Baker starring romantic melodrama. But at 148 sometimes punishing minutes, the sloppy, wholly redundant big screen Sex and the City: The Movie offers plenty of moments where the mind simply wanders.

Few TV shows have exited as gracefully as Sex and the City, so this clumsy monstrosity in which writer-director Michael Patrick King takes many of the story elements and even some of the lines from the series and throws it all into a blender is something of a shock. Did anyone really need to hear Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) say to Carrie, post-fight, as Carrie once said to then boyfriend Aidan (John Corbett), "You have to forgive me, you have to forgive me, you have to forgive me!" in the exact same desperate tone? And was it really necessary for Samantha to reiterate, "I love me more," years after she flung the same line at hotel magnate Richard (James Remar.

While it is impossible not to root for the happiness of sweet Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and her wonderful Harry (Evan Handler), or for caustic Miranda to not completely emasculate her affable, overmatched husband Steve (David Eigenberg), it is also hard not to roll one's eyes at Carrie. The most iconic recent female TV character this side of Jennifer Aniston on Friends trips over predictable romantic misadventures, grating shallowness and a shoe fetish that seems more ridiculous than ever.

So, do yourself a favor and gather around the gal pals this weekend to watch The Best of Everything instead. First released on DVD in 2005, the film revolves around a slightly smaller group of best-friend single Manhattan women who all work as secretaries at a publishing company in a pre-feminist 1950’s world. Although this trio is younger – all three women are in their 20’s - they are, given the times, basically in the same place as our SATC girls, looking for the man who will give them love and a safe harbor.

Was the 1961 minted Darren Star partially inspired by the 1959 movie?
There is no real equivalent in The Best of Everything to Miranda, unless one wants to count one of the group's bosses, steely Miss Farrow (a scary Crawford), whose affairs belie her status as a middle-aged spinster. There is a Charlotte in wide-eyed country girl April (Baker), who comes to New York to meet Mr. Right, but finds instead decadent playboy Dexter Key (a gorgeous, pre-Paramount Pictures Robert Evans in a bit of genius typecasting; this would be his final acting role). There is a brittle, more vulnerable version of Samantha in aspiring actress Gregg (Parker), who lets love get in the way of her better judgment when it comes to womanizing Broadway director David Wilder Savage (Louis Jourdan).

And there is a Carrie in Caroline Bender (Lange), though it is not an exact match. For one thing, one cannot quite imagine down-to-earth Caroline going gaga over overpriced, over-hyped Manolo Blahniks. But The Best of Everything basically reflects her point of view as she is left brokenhearted by a fiancé who jilts her for an oil heiress. And like Carrie, Caroline is vulnerable but ever hopeful in her search for love.

She even has a Mr. Big of sorts in editor Mike Rice, a man portrayed in Rona Jaffe's runaway success 1958 source novel as a warm but dissipated drunk - and still an alcoholic here - but one transformed by the ravishingly beautiful Stephen Boyd into an urbane charmer. And while Carrie, at least professionally, eventually morphs from party girl and intrepid (some would say insipid) columnist to author, Caroline is not long for the secretarial pool as she quickly works her way up the corporate ladder to editor, despite the warning that she will end up alone like Miss Farrow.

Here comes the sublimated bride!
A main difference between the two films is that in the pre-feminist world of The Best of Everything, the friends – except for Caroline after her metamorphosis – have jobs, while the post-feminist SATC bunch have careers and, in the case of lawyer Miranda and now-manager Samantha, high-powered ones at that. Oddly, the Sex and the City women seem to have more time on their hands; the ease with which these supposedly busy women socialize together was always a credulity-stretching hallmark of the show, and it has made its way into the film with a designer vengeance.

Perhaps most ironically, the Sex and the City movie pines for a fairytale ending of the sort that was a given back in the waning days of Hollywood's Golden Age. This sentiment, made explicit in the SATC movie when Carrie reads Cinderella to Charlotte's young daughter, inexorably binds these 1959 and 2008 groups of women together.

In a sense, those earlier New Yorkers could be the SATC group's mothers, and as much as the feminist movement and the sexual liberation that exploded with the introduction of the Pill in the 1960's has determined their choice of careers and their decision to delay marriage and motherhood until middle-age, Carrie et al are still their mother's daughters.

Has nothing really changed nearly 50 years after The Best of Everything? On a certain level, women and men both, straight and gay, are indeed still ultimately just looking for love. But what is most depressing about the overly long SATC movie, one that could just as easily have been called The Worst of Everything, is that it matters not a whit that Carrie, a writer who doesn’t seem to own any books, has grown professionally to the point where she now has an assistant (a wasted Jennifer Hudson). All that matters is Big (Chris Noth).

In the wake of the SATC movie, I now clearly see the errors of assumption in my The Best of Everything review. After going through her romantic travails during the course of the movie, Caroline Bender emerges stronger. She will never be the housewife her mother expects her to become, but she will also never be as embittered as Miss Farrow. She will have it all.

And she will never be the wimp at the mercy of a mercurial Cupid that Carrie Bradshaw is. Caroline does not get the traditional happy ending, just a hint at what might be to come, and the certainty that this woman is the mistress of her own fate. In the world of Sex and the City, that, alas, would be a radical notion.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

NETFLIX QUICK PIX!


OH, GOODY!!!
Craig finally blogs again!!!
Here are some pretty fun flix to whet your appetite for Life!
WHO ARE YOU POLLY MAGGOO? This nifty 60's flick will take you back to the time of false eyelashes, super-models (ala Twiggy), Diana Vreeland. I loved it!!! Highly stylized by director William Klein (a fashion photographer of the era), this sarcastic send up of fashion resonates as much now as it did then. Truly stylish. Get out the tin dresses, kids! Be Vapid and PROUD!
THE AMAZING MRS PRITCHARD: A made for BBC mini-series features Jane Horrock as a well meaning housewife/grocery store manager who unwittingly becomes Prime Minister. With all the humor and drama you could want from the BBC, watch as Horrock (Bubbles on AbFab) tears into the role like she hasn't done since LITTLE VOICE. A slick six hour watch.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS: Directed by David Lean, starring Alec Guinness, John Mills, Jean Simmons, this is the quintessential telling of a looooooong Dickens tale, condensed into 90 minutes. You'll miss nothing here. The plot moves fast and furious, but ultimately satisfying. Who needs Cliff Notes?!
LITTLE VOICE: Again, Jane Horrocks stars as LV, a shy girl with a big old voice. Mimicking greats such as Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, Marlene Deitrich...and...uh....Marilyn Monroe, Horrocks sinks her teeth into a role that she originated on stage. She's Absolutely Fabulous. Brenda Blethyn as her drunken slag of a mum, Michael Caine as the sleazy agent who wants to exploit her. Jim Broadbent and oh, so grrrr Ewan McGregor round out an all-star cast. LV's final scene is the BEST!!!
THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY: OK, I watched this movie over and over. Yeah, I think Julian Schnabel is a big fat self important pig, but this movie, based on a true story, about a man trapped in his own body after a serious stroke is a masterpiece. Truly something to be seen. You'll stop whining about your lot in life after seeing this one.
THE GREAT LIE: Bette Davis and Mary Astor are at odds over leading man George Brent. And then the BABY arrives! Who's the mother?! This soaper from 1941 is sheer delight. Mary Astor won an Academy Award for her portrayal of a caustic concert pianist. And well she should have. Hattie McDaniel blows her nose copiously into her apron. What fun!
SLINGS AND ARROWS: Canadian TV at it's finest. A struggling theater, a fetching leading man, a ghost. THE SCOTTISH PLAY?! Witty, realistic, funny. I could not stop watching it. After disc one, I was hooked. If you are into THEATAH at any level, this is one to see!
THE MRS BRADSHAW MYSTERIES: Based on Gladys Mitchell's slight books from the 20's, divorcee Mrs Bradshaw (Diana Rigg) and her chauffer (who ever the hell he is) fall into situations that are rife with mystery. Mrs Bradshaw is an enthusiast of the supernatural, Freud, and, most importantly, sharp, biting wit. AND COCKTAILS! The costumes are BBC faboo. Look for Phylidda Law, Emma Thompson's mum in one episode. Well worth the watch.
CAMP: A bunch of school kids run off to a performing arts camp. Schlock. Whose gay? Who ain't? Who cares?! This is a waste of your queue time. See FAME for a better view of talented kids who want to be STAHS! Give me a little theater version of CATS over this anyday...
Lastly, THE WAR, a film by KEN BURNS. I've only watched a couple episodes, but BOY! am I learning a lot. I'll keep you posted on this one....
Ah, yes. I think I'm getting over it. It helps to get laid.
Kisses to you all!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

WHERE IS HE GOING?!

FIVE

“Wasn’t Ruby marvelous?” asked Marjorie in the back of the chauffeured Lincoln Towncar. “I had no idea she had it in her.”

“Who would have thought?”

I felt quite grand riding up La Brea, pretending to be royal, with one of Hollywood’s old guard elite at my side. We’d deposited Ruby at her home and tucked her in, wig and all, and decided to have another drink at a notorious bar on Sunset, where older gay men with money meet boys with financial problems. My reasoning was simple: Marjorie Sherwood Forrest Alcazar Wyatt was entitled to be the star that she is, and, with that in mind, and knowing the clientele, I figured some aged dandy would recognize and remember her from her glory days as the Merry Widow, if not for the days before talking pictures ruined her budding career.

“Good God!” I cried, spying a rattletrap Alfa Romeo a few car lengths ahead. It wasn’t hard to figure out who it was, with the smoke pouring from the exhaust pipe. “That’s Preston!”

“A friend of yours, Talmadge?”

Affirmative.

“Driver!” Marjorie commanded. “Follow that flivver!”

We pulled forward, darting through traffic and came up next to Preston, who was nattering into a cell phone, driving with one hand on the wheel and a black cigarette holder clenched between his teeth, ala FDR.

Marjorie had the driver roll the window down.

“PRES-TON! DAAH--LING!” I called from the left lane.

JAMIE! What are you doing in that CAR?! It’s awfully late to be going to a funeral. Who died?”

“No Preston, DEAREST! The name is Talmadge! And I’ve just been promoted to Marquis thereof.” I stood slightly and flashed the family crest. “You’ll never believe who I’m with!” I bellowed. “Marjorie Sherwood Forrest Wyatt!”

Preston dropped the cigarette into his lap.

“HELLO PRESCHTON!” Called Marjorie, coyly waving an end of her serape out the window. Diamond “cufflinks” glinted in the moonlight. They were actually earrings, but Marjorie, in a moment of genius, had transformed her deceased husband’s white dress shirt into a fabulous evening blouse, crimson sash (a scarf) cinched at the waist. “Driver! Have you a phone?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Why don’t you give us a call, Preschton!”

“We have to pull over Marjorie,” I whispered theatrically. “He hasn’t paid the bill in months.”

“Well, who the hell is he talking to?”

“Himself. It looks good.”

“It looks ridiculous,” snorted Marjorie. “The pretensions of this town! Have him pull over.”

I stepped out of the car and made my way over to Preston, who was desperately trying to extinguish the ashes that had fallen onto his Brooks Brothers khakis.

“My God, Jamie! I nearly burned a hole in my trousers. Are those cufflinks real?

“I should assume so.”

“And who Markeed you?”

“Mrs. Wyatt. Preston, she is too fabulous. Where you off to?”

“The Brits are having a party in the hills.”

I groaned. One despised those arrogant bastards.

“It’s only 10:30, doll. You never arrive at those Eurotrash parties before midnight.”

“I know. I have to stop at my dealer’s.”

Preston has a bad habit of owning everyone, including the teller at the savings and loan, who he refers to as “my bahn-ker.” The guy he bought cocaine from was, naturally, his own.

“Where are you off to?”

I quickly related the events of the day, including the impromptu performance by Ruby, explaining why we were off to Numbers for a nightcap.

“You should come with us, doll. I have a feeling it’s going to be a swellegant elegant party.”

“Jamie…”

“Talmadge,” I haughtily corrected.

“What-ever. You know how I hate that dump. Besides, the Brits are counting on me to bring party favors.”

“Goddamn it Preston. You are passing up the evening of the year to hang out with those fucking snobs with bad teeth and cockney accents. Now, I’m with Hollywood Royalty, the greatest hostess in the history of tinsel town (aside from Dani Jannsen), and you’re going to blow off this opportunity to sit around in your Gucci loafers with a bunch of creeps who are coasting on their parents’ success, while pretending to be veddy uppah uppah, when we all know that they’re no better than the rest of us.” I scoffed. “Besides, Mrs. Wyatt palmed me 100 bucks, just so I could have a good time.”

“Well, at least you won’t have to sell yourself to some doddering old fart for rent money this month.”

“I’d watch my mouth if I were you, young man!” called Marjorie from the car. Her eyesight wasn’t good, but that woman could hear like a Mastiff. “Both of you! Get in this car!”

“Come on, Preston. It’ll be fun. You’re with royalty now. A tad better than the crowd you usually run with.”

“Bitch.”

Marjorie was delighted to visit Preston’s dealer.

“Just like the old days,” she exclaimed. “Do you have to have a secret password to get in? Oh, the speakeasies! My heavens! This is thrilling! I’ve not been on this side of town in years. It seems a bit shabby these days, from what I remember.”

“I’d say more ethnic than shabby, Mrs. Wyatt.”

“You are sounding rather snotty, Talmadge.”

Preston was admiring your cufflinks, weren’t you, Preston.”

Preston nodded.

“These things? I’ve had them for ages. I’ve always thought diamonds should only be set in platinum.”

“A sign of great taste,” agreed Preston.

“A gift from an admirer,” Marjorie sighed, sadly. “When I had such things. Believe me, I knew the best.”

Preston stepped out of the car and disappeared into the apartment complex. It was perfect timing, as anytime a conversation got slightly maudlin, he’d extricate himself from the room, or make a stinging wisecrack, totally devoid of sympathy. I was used to this flaw in Preston’s character and accepted him for what he was. Preston was a fair weather fellow; shallow but fun.

“Do you boys do this sort of thing often?”

“What?”

“Talmadge, don’t play stupid. I’ve seen what cocaine does to people. My goodness, do you remember Louise Brooks?”

“Not personally.”

“Of course not personally. But you do know of her.”

“I do.”

“Such a lovely, but tragic creature. Anyway, I remember once at San Simeon. She and the mistress of the house….”

“Marion Davies.”

“Goodness, Talmadge! You’re good. I would swear we were the same age. My, my. How old are you, anyway?”

“34.”

“All those years between us, and yet you sound like a contemporary! Even your use of the English is sterling. Do you believe in reincarnation?”

“Well, in a way. I do believe if you don’t learn the lessons this time, one might have to come back in a lesser form and do it all over again,” I said. “And that, dear Mrs. Wyatt, is my idea of hell.”

“So you believe in the exotic religions of the East?”

“Hmmm,” I pondered briefly. “I’ve looked into them. I spent several years searching for answers. I do believe in a Deity, but your standard vengeful Christian god floating around in the clouds is, to me, a lot of baloney.”

Marjorie laughed.

“I’d say you were a philosopher, Talmadge. A very bright young man indeed. Extraordinary.”

I wanted to tell Mrs. Wyatt why I’d thought so much about religion, and deeply questioned life’s meaning, but why bring a smashing evening to an end based on a not so secret secret of illness and my own mortality? The evening was young and we were having a ball.

“Thank you, Mrs. Wyatt. I appreciate the sentiment.”

“There is no sentiment here, Talmadge. And goddamit, call me Marjorie. All my friends do. And you most certainly are a friend.”

“Thank you, Marjorie. I’m enjoying your companionship, too.”

“Piffle and poppycock!” Marjorie snorted. “Let’s try not to get too sappy, shall we? We’ll just start a mutual admiration society all our own.” she flicked a wrist dismissively. “Where the hell is that Preschton?!”

I explained that you don’t simply dash into a drug dealer’s apartment. You have to sit and chat for a minute, do some of your coke with them, stay long enough so as not to look like you were in the building simply for a fix but a visit, and then discreetly leave as if you’d seen a dear friend.

“Just like the bootleggers used to be,” said Marjorie. “Though in those days, the bootleggers really were our friends, came to our parties, and were generally a hell of a good time to be around. Of course, you could make your own gin in the bathtub if you had to.”

“Gallons of rubbing alcohol, grenadine and ice?”

“This conversation is getting bizarre, Talmadge. Yes, that was roughly the recipe. It had to be simply frigid (we called it a frappe) else you’d taste just how awful it really was. Have you a cigarette?”

I did.

“Why have you not smoked earlier?” Marjorie demanded.

“I’m down to my last one, and I didn’t know if it would offend you.”

“You’re manners are exquisite, Talmadge. A sign of fine breeding. That jacket suits you more each minute. Shall we share?”

“I haven’t got a light.”

“I do,” interjected the driver, passing a lighter and a pack of smokes to the rear. “Keep them.”

“Thank you, driver. You are a dear.”

Back then, Numbers was secreted away off of Sunset. They’ve gentrified since and moved to that ghastly strip mall of gaydom called Santa Monica Boulevard. The front door faced the rear and you could make dazzling entrance from the upper floor descending a winding mirrored staircase. Marjorie was delighted.

“What a magical place! Take my arm Talmadge, don’t be a numbskull, you handsome devil. Would you like me to fall pell mell into the club? Where’s Preschton?”

“In the bathroom, I presume.”

“Needs another jolt does he? Is there anywhere to sit?”

“Nothing but a couple of stools at the bar.”

“Talmadge, never in all my years have I sidled up to a barstool. It absolutely isn’t done. Terribly gauche for a lady, of my age, especially.”

“Marjie? Marjie Wyatt?” A portly codger in a salmon silk shirt and cravat wafted toward us in a cloud of expensive Patou Pour Homme. “My goodness! It’s been years!” He clapped his manicured hands.

Marjorie, though unsure of who’d approached, graciously reached forward.

NOW WHERE TO?!

THIS IS FOR YOU, MY CHERMAN FRIEND!

SHE'S BEEN HERE BEFORE, BUT SHE MAKES ME SO HAPPY....ESPECIALLY AFTER A NIGHT OF TEARS! MY NEIGHBOR ACTUALLY CALLED 911!! THANKS FOR BEING KATIE!!!!

Molly McDowd

The curious thing about Molly McDowd

Was her burning ambition to draw a big crowd

A burning ambition (which she would confess)

Would greatly influence the style of her dress

And the colors she wore (which demanded attention)

Which caused passersby to gloat and make mention

Of “garish displays” or “pallets too loud”

In the wondrous wardrobe of Molly McDowd.

The wondrous wardrobe that was Molly’s pride

Was an heirloom from Molly’s Old Granny who died

Old Granny Aurelia McDowd Smith Van Orr

Was a former fit-model for Christian Dior.

“’Twas the day of the New Look,” Old Granny would say.

“Though the war blighted Europe Parisians were gay!

With songs on their lips and hemlines to here

Ah, Forty seven, a MAH-velous year!

And our shoes and our gloves, these handbags chapeau

(That’s the charming French word for a hat, don’t you know)

And look Molly here’s the first faux Chanel bow,

Which would suit you just fine if you wore it just so.”

Then tears of nostalgia would wet Granny’s eye

As she’d draw Molly to her and heave a great sigh,

And say “Those were the glory days, where did they fly?

When style was everything. Life passes by

How I cry for the modern age, pigs in a stye!

Are these modern day people who let glamour die.”

“Actually, in Granny’s opinion, they killed it, Molly.”

Old Granny was finally laid to her rest

In her favorite Dior with the man tailored vest,

As Molly McDowd stood at Old Granny’s grave,

She vowed to Old Granny that glamour she’s save.

Heartbroken, Molly McDowd stood and cried

Because without her glamour Old Granny had died.

And during the service they heard Molly pray:

“Dear God what the heck’s glamour, anyway?”

Now heiress Molly had style galore!

Old Granny bequeathed her the gift of glamour

In the form of a wardrobe in whose contents bore

Every old frock and old hat that Old Granny wore.

As one could imagine, these old frocks were cool.

Molly McDowd like to wear them to school.

But modern age people in glamour don’t dress,

So the modern age students called Molly a mess.

They called her a harpie, a horrid old hag.

They asked why her mom tied her up in a bag?

They told teacher “Molly’s clothes make us all gaga.”

And Molly said “Nonsense, it’s Balenciaga!”

“It’s a cape for the opera, this in my hair

Is a faux Chanel bow that Old Granny would wear.

Go ahead, gawk, I know why you glare!

It’s because of my glamour and I really don’t care.”

“Molly,” said Teacher, “get down from that chair!”

“Molly McDowd your behaviour’s the worst!

I refuse to submit to your angry outburst!

And one thing I can’t stand is a glamour whiner!

A wretched excuse for a couture designer

Are you in your finery, my little lass!

I will speak plainly, I’m sick of your sass!”

Molly said “YOU are a squealing jackass.”

“Molly!” said Teacher, “that’s it you’re suspended!

Miss Molly McDowd’s fashion tirade has ended!”

It’s true to be glamorous in school is a folly,

But do you think folly would discourage Molly?

She wants modern age folks to take up her cause

And honor Old Granny with new glamour laws

That would legislate strictly against fashion flaws.

Wouldn’t Old Granny have truly been proud

To pass legislation with Molly McDowd?

The logical place to put out the call

Was the tackiest fashion emporium of all

That retail Hades, the Sunnyside Mall

Where in March or in April you’ll find clothes for fall

Which drove Granny crazy and straight up a wall.

On top of a bench Molly made her decree.

On top of a bench in the food court on three.

She spoke to the diners who put down their forks.

She called them “a lot of ridiculous dorks!”

“Citizens, I’m glamour queen of the land,

And as glamour queen I do hereby command..”

Before she was finished she saw someone stand,

And Molly knew nothing was going as planned.

The woman was German. Her accent was thick.

The assassin was eating bratwurst on a stick

Which she waved overhead as she bellowed aloud:

“She isn’t royal! She’s Molly McDowd!

She’s fake! She’s phony! Princess Macaroni!

The grand duke! Her highness! The queen of baloney!”

And clever as Molly was here’s what she said:

“It’s lucky I’m not queen because I’d behead

An impertinent peasant like YOU if I could!

Instead I’ll just sit on the bench where I stood

In my Balenciaga and look really good.”

The assassin and Molly stood nose to nose.

It looked like the two of them might come to blows!

And everyone else in the food court just froze,

Except for a woman in excellent clothes.

“I knew it! I knew it! There must be a saga

Behind such a young girl in Balenciaga!

With that opera cape I am VERY impressed,”

She said as she tugged on her man-tailored vest,

Which was actually vintage Christian Dior.

Hand to her chest Molly dropped to the floor,

And cried, “I am not glamour queen anymore!”

The excellent woman said, “Don’t be a bore.”

“Molly McDowd you listen to me.

There’s room for us both to be royalty.

For although glamour is YOUR crown and flag,

My royal title is Queen of the Drag!

I’m terribly sorry for this intrusion,

I couldn’t help saying that glamour’s illusion

Which might put an end to your youthful confusion.”

“Glamour’s illusion?” asked Molly McDowd.

“Illusion could make you look chic in a shroud?

Does it give one a great sense of appeal?

Is it a something that I can steal?

Does it drive people to holler and stare?

Excellent Lady! Don’t take off your hair!”

And Excellent Lady moved swift as a cat

As she took off her wig, along with a hat.

“Molly McDowd,” she said, “just so you know,

The art of illusion is nothing but show.

Forgive me, I’m rude, my name is Stan.

A queen of the drag is most always a man.”

Molly McDowd stood speechless with shock

As she looked at the man in the excellent frock.

It was nearly more than dear Molly could take

To learn that illusions of glamour were fake

And that even a MAN in a dress could look good!

(Although Molly wondered if men really should.)

“Excellent Lady, my thanks for the truth!

I realize now that I’ve been most uncouth!”

“Don’t worry honey, there lessons of youth,

I gotta go, I’ve a date with Vermouth.”

And Excellent Lady turned to the crowed and said:

“Everyone rise for Queen Molly McDowd.”

So Molly McDowd finally got her applause,

Without legislation or glamorous laws.

And later on, for years and years,

She’s laugh and laugh herself to tears

Every single time she heard

That rotten, stinking glamour word.

Fin