THIS IS FOR YOU, MY CHERMAN FRIEND!

SHE'S BEEN HERE BEFORE, BUT SHE MAKES ME SO HAPPY....ESPECIALLY AFTER A NIGHT OF TEARS! MY NEIGHBOR ACTUALLY CALLED 911!! THANKS FOR BEING KATIE!!!!

Molly McDowd

The curious thing about Molly McDowd

Was her burning ambition to draw a big crowd

A burning ambition (which she would confess)

Would greatly influence the style of her dress

And the colors she wore (which demanded attention)

Which caused passersby to gloat and make mention

Of “garish displays” or “pallets too loud”

In the wondrous wardrobe of Molly McDowd.

The wondrous wardrobe that was Molly’s pride

Was an heirloom from Molly’s Old Granny who died

Old Granny Aurelia McDowd Smith Van Orr

Was a former fit-model for Christian Dior.

“’Twas the day of the New Look,” Old Granny would say.

“Though the war blighted Europe Parisians were gay!

With songs on their lips and hemlines to here

Ah, Forty seven, a MAH-velous year!

And our shoes and our gloves, these handbags chapeau

(That’s the charming French word for a hat, don’t you know)

And look Molly here’s the first faux Chanel bow,

Which would suit you just fine if you wore it just so.”

Then tears of nostalgia would wet Granny’s eye

As she’d draw Molly to her and heave a great sigh,

And say “Those were the glory days, where did they fly?

When style was everything. Life passes by

How I cry for the modern age, pigs in a stye!

Are these modern day people who let glamour die.”

“Actually, in Granny’s opinion, they killed it, Molly.”

Old Granny was finally laid to her rest

In her favorite Dior with the man tailored vest,

As Molly McDowd stood at Old Granny’s grave,

She vowed to Old Granny that glamour she’s save.

Heartbroken, Molly McDowd stood and cried

Because without her glamour Old Granny had died.

And during the service they heard Molly pray:

“Dear God what the heck’s glamour, anyway?”

Now heiress Molly had style galore!

Old Granny bequeathed her the gift of glamour

In the form of a wardrobe in whose contents bore

Every old frock and old hat that Old Granny wore.

As one could imagine, these old frocks were cool.

Molly McDowd like to wear them to school.

But modern age people in glamour don’t dress,

So the modern age students called Molly a mess.

They called her a harpie, a horrid old hag.

They asked why her mom tied her up in a bag?

They told teacher “Molly’s clothes make us all gaga.”

And Molly said “Nonsense, it’s Balenciaga!”

“It’s a cape for the opera, this in my hair

Is a faux Chanel bow that Old Granny would wear.

Go ahead, gawk, I know why you glare!

It’s because of my glamour and I really don’t care.”

“Molly,” said Teacher, “get down from that chair!”

“Molly McDowd your behaviour’s the worst!

I refuse to submit to your angry outburst!

And one thing I can’t stand is a glamour whiner!

A wretched excuse for a couture designer

Are you in your finery, my little lass!

I will speak plainly, I’m sick of your sass!”

Molly said “YOU are a squealing jackass.”

“Molly!” said Teacher, “that’s it you’re suspended!

Miss Molly McDowd’s fashion tirade has ended!”

It’s true to be glamorous in school is a folly,

But do you think folly would discourage Molly?

She wants modern age folks to take up her cause

And honor Old Granny with new glamour laws

That would legislate strictly against fashion flaws.

Wouldn’t Old Granny have truly been proud

To pass legislation with Molly McDowd?

The logical place to put out the call

Was the tackiest fashion emporium of all

That retail Hades, the Sunnyside Mall

Where in March or in April you’ll find clothes for fall

Which drove Granny crazy and straight up a wall.

On top of a bench Molly made her decree.

On top of a bench in the food court on three.

She spoke to the diners who put down their forks.

She called them “a lot of ridiculous dorks!”

“Citizens, I’m glamour queen of the land,

And as glamour queen I do hereby command..”

Before she was finished she saw someone stand,

And Molly knew nothing was going as planned.

The woman was German. Her accent was thick.

The assassin was eating bratwurst on a stick

Which she waved overhead as she bellowed aloud:

“She isn’t royal! She’s Molly McDowd!

She’s fake! She’s phony! Princess Macaroni!

The grand duke! Her highness! The queen of baloney!”

And clever as Molly was here’s what she said:

“It’s lucky I’m not queen because I’d behead

An impertinent peasant like YOU if I could!

Instead I’ll just sit on the bench where I stood

In my Balenciaga and look really good.”

The assassin and Molly stood nose to nose.

It looked like the two of them might come to blows!

And everyone else in the food court just froze,

Except for a woman in excellent clothes.

“I knew it! I knew it! There must be a saga

Behind such a young girl in Balenciaga!

With that opera cape I am VERY impressed,”

She said as she tugged on her man-tailored vest,

Which was actually vintage Christian Dior.

Hand to her chest Molly dropped to the floor,

And cried, “I am not glamour queen anymore!”

The excellent woman said, “Don’t be a bore.”

“Molly McDowd you listen to me.

There’s room for us both to be royalty.

For although glamour is YOUR crown and flag,

My royal title is Queen of the Drag!

I’m terribly sorry for this intrusion,

I couldn’t help saying that glamour’s illusion

Which might put an end to your youthful confusion.”

“Glamour’s illusion?” asked Molly McDowd.

“Illusion could make you look chic in a shroud?

Does it give one a great sense of appeal?

Is it a something that I can steal?

Does it drive people to holler and stare?

Excellent Lady! Don’t take off your hair!”

And Excellent Lady moved swift as a cat

As she took off her wig, along with a hat.

“Molly McDowd,” she said, “just so you know,

The art of illusion is nothing but show.

Forgive me, I’m rude, my name is Stan.

A queen of the drag is most always a man.”

Molly McDowd stood speechless with shock

As she looked at the man in the excellent frock.

It was nearly more than dear Molly could take

To learn that illusions of glamour were fake

And that even a MAN in a dress could look good!

(Although Molly wondered if men really should.)

“Excellent Lady, my thanks for the truth!

I realize now that I’ve been most uncouth!”

“Don’t worry honey, there lessons of youth,

I gotta go, I’ve a date with Vermouth.”

And Excellent Lady turned to the crowed and said:

“Everyone rise for Queen Molly McDowd.”

So Molly McDowd finally got her applause,

Without legislation or glamorous laws.

And later on, for years and years,

She’s laugh and laugh herself to tears

Every single time she heard

That rotten, stinking glamour word.

Fin