So Joaquin (I've been coasting on my dead brother's reputation for years) Phoenix is retiring from acting?! What a tragic loss.
What a caaaah-rashing bore.
I had the pleasure of meeting a hopped-up Phoenix at the home of Udo Kier. Oh, it was some Euro-trash affair, and the Phoenix family came en masse, casting a pall on the already tedious goings-on. There was mustachioed Rain, her Hobbit feet crammed into a pair of Prada sandals, and some equally swarthy Phoenix siblings. Joaquin fussed and fawned over a drunken (quelle suprise) Kier, loudly making a big deal over whatever Kier's latest plundering of the dramatic arts was. (You can read all about it in my upcoming memoir TRAVELS WITH UDO: A LIFE IN LEIDERHOSEN.)
Needless to say, I was duly unimpressed. As I have been with Phoenix's rise to Oscar winning star.
Had the ethereally talented River not paved the way for his brother's success, we would never have a Joaquin. Oh, I give Phoenix kudos for his dead on impression of Country Singer Johnny Cash, but I do the same for the late Charles Pierce's impersonation of the late Bette Davis. And I saw no Oscars handed over to him.
The Academy loves impersonations. Do I call it acting? Well, no. And we all know what happened to Marissa Tomei (who won over Dame Joan Plowright) after she won an Oscar for impersonating a gangster's moll, don't we. And whither oh whither has that daughter of Paul something Italian gone for impersonating a prostitute in a Woody (I was forced to marry my girlfriend's adopted daughter) Allen flick. You know who I mean. And what about Hillary (hooters courtesy of Dow Corning) Swank, who won TWICE (?!) over Annette Bening for impersonating an actress?! I mean, give me a break. Imagine Swank in a revival of Ibsen's A DOLL'S HOUSE.
But. I digress.
So Phoenix (who I believe will be back when the cash runs out) can have his little HIGH PROFILE vacation, pursue his MUSICAL CAREER, and stay the hell out of my sight for as long as he likes.
And take his sister with him.
What a caaaah-rashing bore.
I had the pleasure of meeting a hopped-up Phoenix at the home of Udo Kier. Oh, it was some Euro-trash affair, and the Phoenix family came en masse, casting a pall on the already tedious goings-on. There was mustachioed Rain, her Hobbit feet crammed into a pair of Prada sandals, and some equally swarthy Phoenix siblings. Joaquin fussed and fawned over a drunken (quelle suprise) Kier, loudly making a big deal over whatever Kier's latest plundering of the dramatic arts was. (You can read all about it in my upcoming memoir TRAVELS WITH UDO: A LIFE IN LEIDERHOSEN.)
Needless to say, I was duly unimpressed. As I have been with Phoenix's rise to Oscar winning star.
Had the ethereally talented River not paved the way for his brother's success, we would never have a Joaquin. Oh, I give Phoenix kudos for his dead on impression of Country Singer Johnny Cash, but I do the same for the late Charles Pierce's impersonation of the late Bette Davis. And I saw no Oscars handed over to him.
The Academy loves impersonations. Do I call it acting? Well, no. And we all know what happened to Marissa Tomei (who won over Dame Joan Plowright) after she won an Oscar for impersonating a gangster's moll, don't we. And whither oh whither has that daughter of Paul something Italian gone for impersonating a prostitute in a Woody (I was forced to marry my girlfriend's adopted daughter) Allen flick. You know who I mean. And what about Hillary (hooters courtesy of Dow Corning) Swank, who won TWICE (?!) over Annette Bening for impersonating an actress?! I mean, give me a break. Imagine Swank in a revival of Ibsen's A DOLL'S HOUSE.
But. I digress.
So Phoenix (who I believe will be back when the cash runs out) can have his little HIGH PROFILE vacation, pursue his MUSICAL CAREER, and stay the hell out of my sight for as long as he likes.
And take his sister with him.
2 comments:
I liked him in "Parenthood." But then, I liked everyone in Parenthood, even Martha Plimpton.
Hilary Swank. I don't get it, either.
Katie!
I once had a Parenthood moment.
I serviced...errr...waited on Mary Steenburgen (really nice woman).
Martha Plimpton has done great things on The Great White Way.
Hillary Swank is a stinky wench, ask Bryan.
It's maybe just me, but I don't like Mr. Phoenix. He's a prick, and I HATE his trashy sister to the nth degree.
And somehow, the River flows through it.
C
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