Artisan cheese shop seeks articulate foodie (Fairhaven)
OK. I applied for this job around a month and a half ago.
If ANYONE has foodie experience, it's moiself (that's French for Derek Washington). Though I don't eat much, I love to snack. If every hour was HAPPY hour, I would be content. Nibbling is a great way to doff those extra pounds or maintain. Oh sure, you might get a little edgy or high strung, BUT WHO CARES?! As long as you yell at strangers, or pull a McCain and do it to large numbers of folks you BUSSED IN, then you have a right. People in the Service Industry are used to being yelled at. We get "BAD DAY". Always apologize afterwards. Leave a big tip. Tell them you love that hair do.
But. I digress.
So this hirsute chick calls me when she gets the resume. Perfect. All I want is to work a couple of days, and then on Wednesday, He Rests. For the week. If I were GOD, y'all would still be waiting for Germany to be created. Now, mind you, Craig has lifted a snifter or two (or three-ish) when this crazy chick phones, so I'm like....."Could we make it on the morrow?" NO! If you want the job that badly you'll get here NOW!
I didn't want the job that badly.
BURP!
Hiccough!
So RACHEL calls back.
OK.
AND WANTS TO GO TO DINNER! Now, drunk or not, I know what a TO GO box is, and my fridge loves them. So I put some MOLDING MUD in my coiffure, tossed on a blazer, and off I went to TIVOLI, where this crazy chick ORDERED FOR ME. I expect this from a date, but not a woman interviewing me, while drunk, for a job. Getting down to the nutz and boltz: Once RACHEL found out that I have a monthly column in THE BETTY PAGES, and figured from my lisp that I might be GAY (plus good table manners, which are rare in this part of the country), she kept on me to WRITE about her business, dictating the column. By dessert (creme brulle), I was exhausted.
She kept asking me: Where are THE GAYS?
THE GAYS?! WTF?! Where are THE DWARVES, THE BLACK FOLKS, THE PARTIALLY BLIND, THE AMPUTEES, THE.....pronounce it theeee, and you'll get my point here.
Finally, when I realized that RACHEL wanted not to hire me as much as she wanted free press, I was like FUCK THIS. I don't need a job THAT BAD, even if I want to work!
Cah-raaaazy control freak, now looking to hire another lackey. Even the STINKY CHEESE line is mine!!! But it truly was THE Gays that got me. Finally I told her that Bellingham was built on a toilet paper plant, and that most of THE GAYS in this town would happily nibble on Velveeta and Wonder Bread. With Miracle Whip. This ain't the homo sophisticate here. Not remotely.
THEY'RE FROM THE NORTHWEST!
When I write for THE BETTY PAGES, it's about CRAIG'S WORLD. They never edit me, let me rant about whatever, swear like a sailor. I intend to offend some of you, but MIGHT apologize for using the C word. Might. Google Shirley Nagel and see who I WON'T apologize to.
Anyway, RACHEL is hiring again, and I can only wonder why.
See Craigslist post here:
Immediate opening:
Artisan cheese shop seeks sophisticated & articulate foodie for sales position. This position offers 30-40 hours per week as well as the necessary training for the qualified individual.
Qualifications:
-Must be very available through the holidays with the exception of Thanksgiving Day,Christmas Day, and New Years Day.
-Must love artisan cheeses... this includes having the palate for goat cheese, blues and washed rind(stinky)cheeses!
-Must be over 21 years of age.
-Must be available Saturdays and Sundays beyond the holiday season.
-Must be knowledgeable and passionate about food and wine, and very enthusiastic about cheese.
-Applicant should be friendly, outgoing and comfortable in a fast-paced work environment.
-Must exhibit a commitment to superior customer service, demonstrate great attention to detail and offer effective and creative problem solving skills.
-Previous fine dining, specialty food and/or travel experience a plus.
If ANYONE has foodie experience, it's moiself (that's French for Derek Washington). Though I don't eat much, I love to snack. If every hour was HAPPY hour, I would be content. Nibbling is a great way to doff those extra pounds or maintain. Oh sure, you might get a little edgy or high strung, BUT WHO CARES?! As long as you yell at strangers, or pull a McCain and do it to large numbers of folks you BUSSED IN, then you have a right. People in the Service Industry are used to being yelled at. We get "BAD DAY". Always apologize afterwards. Leave a big tip. Tell them you love that hair do.
But. I digress.
So this hirsute chick calls me when she gets the resume. Perfect. All I want is to work a couple of days, and then on Wednesday, He Rests. For the week. If I were GOD, y'all would still be waiting for Germany to be created. Now, mind you, Craig has lifted a snifter or two (or three-ish) when this crazy chick phones, so I'm like....."Could we make it on the morrow?" NO! If you want the job that badly you'll get here NOW!
I didn't want the job that badly.
BURP!
Hiccough!
So RACHEL calls back.
OK.
AND WANTS TO GO TO DINNER! Now, drunk or not, I know what a TO GO box is, and my fridge loves them. So I put some MOLDING MUD in my coiffure, tossed on a blazer, and off I went to TIVOLI, where this crazy chick ORDERED FOR ME. I expect this from a date, but not a woman interviewing me, while drunk, for a job. Getting down to the nutz and boltz: Once RACHEL found out that I have a monthly column in THE BETTY PAGES, and figured from my lisp that I might be GAY (plus good table manners, which are rare in this part of the country), she kept on me to WRITE about her business, dictating the column. By dessert (creme brulle), I was exhausted.
She kept asking me: Where are THE GAYS?
THE GAYS?! WTF?! Where are THE DWARVES, THE BLACK FOLKS, THE PARTIALLY BLIND, THE AMPUTEES, THE.....pronounce it theeee, and you'll get my point here.
Finally, when I realized that RACHEL wanted not to hire me as much as she wanted free press, I was like FUCK THIS. I don't need a job THAT BAD, even if I want to work!
Cah-raaaazy control freak, now looking to hire another lackey. Even the STINKY CHEESE line is mine!!! But it truly was THE Gays that got me. Finally I told her that Bellingham was built on a toilet paper plant, and that most of THE GAYS in this town would happily nibble on Velveeta and Wonder Bread. With Miracle Whip. This ain't the homo sophisticate here. Not remotely.
THEY'RE FROM THE NORTHWEST!
When I write for THE BETTY PAGES, it's about CRAIG'S WORLD. They never edit me, let me rant about whatever, swear like a sailor. I intend to offend some of you, but MIGHT apologize for using the C word. Might. Google Shirley Nagel and see who I WON'T apologize to.
Anyway, RACHEL is hiring again, and I can only wonder why.
See Craigslist post here:
Immediate opening:
Artisan cheese shop seeks sophisticated & articulate foodie for sales position. This position offers 30-40 hours per week as well as the necessary training for the qualified individual.
Qualifications:
-Must be very available through the holidays with the exception of Thanksgiving Day,Christmas Day, and New Years Day.
-Must love artisan cheeses... this includes having the palate for goat cheese, blues and washed rind(stinky)cheeses!
-Must be over 21 years of age.
-Must be available Saturdays and Sundays beyond the holiday season.
-Must be knowledgeable and passionate about food and wine, and very enthusiastic about cheese.
-Applicant should be friendly, outgoing and comfortable in a fast-paced work environment.
-Must exhibit a commitment to superior customer service, demonstrate great attention to detail and offer effective and creative problem solving skills.
-Previous fine dining, specialty food and/or travel experience a plus.
6 comments:
TEH GAYS???
What an asshat.
1 - "DEREK WASHINGTON" Is French for "who the fuck does this uppity fag hag think she is not hiring you?".
2 - "Artisan cheeses". Oh brother.
Artisan Cheese is Francais for stinky nasty smelly poontangy peck peck.
In a sentence: My finger stank of Artisan Cheese after I took it out of your boyfriends firm yet ripe culo.
Artisan cheese....
YOO HOO!
FRIENDS OF CRAIG. IS THERE ANY REASON TO TAKE THIS POST DOWN? I THINK IT POSITVELY (AS THE OFFICER SAID) WAS WITHIN MY RIGHTS AS A PUBLIC PERSON. RACHEL, KATIE LIVES IN SEATTLE. DEREK LIVE IN LAS VEGAS. THE THOUGHT OF KILLING YOU IS A BORE. I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY HAT PINS!!! You're from SAN DIEGO?! Get a grip Ms. Thing. And keep reading.
CRAIG
PS: Mom's an attorney, and if I have to go to court to fight this out, sue me. But you never have any right when it comes to freedom of speech. How UNAMERICAN can you get?!
NO there is no reason to take this down.
Hey, Rachel: Stop being a crazy twat already. I promise I won't boycott your shop. I like cheese. I can't speak for Teh Gayz, tho.
Yes, that's a broad brush with which she paints. I'm sure you alone speak for all THE GAYS.
Sometimes when I hear of employees or managers at a restaurant, I wonder, "DO I want to be a customer here? Are there any weirdos here, and are they beyond the pale?"
Now I think it of a store!
Valerie!
Unfortunately, our building is now full of those types of which you speak: COLLEGE KIDZ. But RACHEL is a fully grown woman and should know better. AND she's from CA. And you wonder why LA burns?!
Craig
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