Tuesday, March 11, 2008

THIS ONE'S FOR THE CHERMANS!!!!

CRAIG'S IN WHAT????
Dahlings! Greetings from the Penthouse!

If you’ve read any of my rants about Love, you know where I’m coming from. I have been avidly single for, oh, say six years. My HIV status has made dating a bit difficult. Not to mention the fact that I’m a pretty lousy boyfriend. I’m a slob, my finances suck, and I drink. And Drink. If you’ve caught my act at Rumors, you’ve seen me take a dive or two from a barstool. The problem is I drink alone, and I don’t mean a single bottle of wine. Hell no! I go straight to the box of Franzia. And I get MEAN. And I get mean to the people I love. It’s unfortunate because I curse people out who are important to me.

Now I have a boyfriend. In all my 45 years, I’ve had three. And not terribly long term. Why? Well, I tend to drive them away, purposefully. The last one was nearly impossible to be rid of. But he was just plain nuts. I had one really nice guy in Seattle, but that lasted 3 months. I just couldn’t stand the closeness. Plus his little friends saw me for what I was: Kept. But hey, if you can put up with that, chances are you’ll have great hair and a fake tan. I was highlighted within an INCH of my life. I love being spoiled, but I ain’t 24 anymore.

But finally, I found The Guy.

I’m not going to go into any details, because I’ve already been warned about writing about him. I will say that the guy is so patient with me and my drunken phone fits. He simply hangs up!
The problem is I’m so fucking insecure. Too insecure to believe that I can love and be loved. Now with my GINORMOUS ego, you’d think I’d believe myself to be lovable. I get scared, and the way I deal with it is to get PISSED off about nothing. Hence driving men away.

Now I have someone in my life that I honestly do Love. But love shouldn’t be scary. He thinks that somebody hurt me seriously, probably childhood. Well, fuck. That’s what therapy is for! And drinking home alone with a box of cheap wine is definitely a no-no. I used to drink after I wrote (sort of stimulates the editing process), but one has to write. I haven’t written anything substantial in TEN years. Oh, I’ve tried to write something not based on my life, but I guess I’m just not that confident. The last decade has been devoted to watching Joan Crawford flicks. Believe me, when you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all. Except TROG. Mainly I want to write a farce. I love to laugh when I’m reading. And Hollywood is pretty fertile ground for farcical.

So, yeah. It’s time for me to grow up and act my goddam middle age. Get serious about writing. That’s what I do. I’m always happiest when I’m working on something.

Craig’s in Love.

You better believe I’m going to work on it.

It’s so worth it.

5 comments:

Katie said...

This makes me insanely happy. Und vee luff heppy Chermans.

Craig Curtis said...

Katie, you are a livink doll!

Craig

Hilary said...

Hi Craigster! Congrats on the new beef!

Craig Curtis said...

Thanks Hill!!!

Craig

Cynthia & Dan said...

DAHling! I see you are well. Just checking in to say helloooooo. Miss you. Hopefully next time I make it that far north I won't be dying from the plague. Let's mark our calendars for sometime in 2009, shall we?

xo,
cyn